Current mood:

nostalgic

Memories
I'm waxing nostalgic today. I'm thinking of some conversations my sister and I had concerning our parents. You see, my mom and dad separated before I was 4. I have no memories of them together as a couple. I don't actually know when they divorced but it was over way before that.

I've heard stories. Most I believe but some I wonder about. I know that my dad cheated on my mom at one point after I was born. My dad says that mom was acting crazy and not being intimate with him. Not that not being intimate was an example of her acting crazy but in my dad's mind, it could have been. My dad's friends threw him a birthday party and got him loaded and, I guess knowing of my mom's icy shoulder towards her, hooked him up with this woman that frequented the bar that my dad frequented or worked at.

My dad slept with this woman and got VD. Some time before realizing that he needed a dose of the ol' penicillin, he slept with my mom and passed on his 'gift' to her. So when he realized this, he had to tell her that he cheated and got a VD. I imagine that this was what led my mom and dad to separate but I wonder if this was an isolated incident and not symptom of a pathological behavior. I also wonder which VD it was, proving that I am a curious and disturbed individual.

More stories in my head. I remember being told that I was a 'failure to thrive' baby and that comes when the mother doesn't bond with the kid. Led to me being of smaller weight and prone to some bad health. I always wondered how this happened and as my relationship with my mom turned for the worse wondered if this was just an indication that she resented me. My sister tells me that at one point my mom left me with our Aunt Rene. Irene. She was actually my great aunt. I think my dad confirmed this but his attitude was that she shouldn't have done this, but I figure that if he had a problem with it he should have taken care of me. Being the type of guy that he is, I'm not surprised though. Responsibility doesn't come to my father.

My dad didn't believe that my sister was his child. She is. A paternity test proved that. I remember the time period when my sister was conceived. It was when my mom and I took a trip out to California to visit Dad. I don't think my older half-brother Joe went with us on this. I do remember that I thought that this meant that Dad was going to live with us. Or I just wanted to watch cartoons. Three year olds don't make such cognitive decisions.

Anyway, my dad didn't believe that my sister was his. He claimed that with the amount of people that came through my mom's house he had no way to be sure. His eyesight was pretty good though, I guess as I only remember twice from my first memory till my sister was born of him coming around. I do remember sleeping over my Aunt Rene's, who lived across the street from us, on weekends. I remember crying as Hee Haw played on the TV as I wanted my mommy. I can't remember why I wanted her, just that I did.

I remember all these things and am sitting here thinking about this stuff and just knowing that, since I have no contact with either of them and cannot believe what they tell me if I did, that I'll never know the truth about these things. I'm also curious to know why I'm so curious to know this stuff....